You're A Rotten Insane Dumbcake
by Agimat-AltoSax713
Summary: A PI's Christmas Special. When Looney decides to quit the Insane Critic, he's stopped by his guardian angel... and sees the world without him!


**You're A Rotten Insane Dumbcake, A Christmas Special

* * *

**

Santa Bond was seen with a book and said, "Hello, I am Agent 012, Double O Santa, but everyone calls me Santa Bond… Merry Christmas, children, it is the most wonderful time of the year! But did you know there was a Christmas that almost didn't happen? Well this has nothing to do with that! This is the story of a little boy called Lunatic, a.k.a The Insane Critic, and he was having a really bad Christmas." He opened the book and the story started.

* * *

"I can't believe this! It's Christmas and I'm not being given one good thing to review!" Lunatic121, or the Insane Critic, said, "I mean what is this? A Lucky Star Kwanza!"

(The characters from Lucky Star was seen… with said title above them…)

"No! Screw this ****… Wait a second… why can't I say ****?" Looney said

**…**

"Sorry author… I forgot… Anyhow… I had it! I'm done! I'm never doing Insane Critic again! Screw this ****! Screw this ****!" Looney got up his seat and was stopped by Dezblade.

"But Looney you can't just leave!" Dez said.

"Hey, I can do anything I want!" Looney said

"But who gonna run the show?" Dez asked.

"Hey, you're so concerned? YOU RUN THe SHOW!"

"… Alright!" Dez said, and he walked opposite of Looney.

Looney went through his hallway and when he entered another room, a bright light appeared and an angel came and followed Looney. Looney was on his phone and noticed the angel.

"Hello Looney, I am your guardian angel…" Looney punched the angel and continued walking.

"I've had enough Jehovah's Witnesses today…" He sat down on a couch and said, "Hey, I want to make a listing in your want ads?" Some incomprehensible words came from the phone, "Yeah, put Available: One cynical, insane internet critic on fanfiction ready to criticize for popularity." Some more incomprehensible words, "Oh yes, I'm sure it will got plenty of responses!" Some more… you know the drill… "Alright, thank you so much! Bye!"

The angel came and looked over Looney, "Excuse me, perhaps you didn't help me… I am your guardian angel…" Looney had a kunai in his hand and put it directly between his eyes.

"Yeah, I wanted to know if there were any responses on that want ad?" … "No? Alright,"

Looney then looked at the angel, "Alright, what do you want?"

"I am your guardian angel…"

"One sec," Looney got his phone out, "Maybe I should wait a few minutes… Countinue…"

"Alright, from the beginning… I am your guardian angel, Bob, and I am here to make realize how truly important you are to the world."

"Huh?" Looney said.

"I come from on high to show you the love and affection the world has to offer, and so you realize that you played a big part of keeping that love going!"

"Okay… Who did you say you were again? Because I dozed off for a while there…" Looney said.

"I am your guardian angel, Bob!" Bob said.

"My guardian angel?"

"Yes! Heard me that time!"

"Well… if you're a guardian angel… where's your wings?"

"If you're a guardian angel, where's your wings?" Bob said mockingly, "Never heard that one before! What! I don't have any wings? I haven't noticed!" He then went on a tirade… and eventually calmed down, "… Sorry, sorry… I just get that question a lot... No, I'm an angel-in-training and once I prove myself worthy, then I get my wings…"

"…All right… then what are you here for?" Looney asked.

"To show you what the world would be like, if there was no Insane Critic!" Bob said.

"Oh, come on! It wouldn't be that different!" Looney retorted.

"Oh, you make a difference in so many peoples lives! If you just let me show you!" Bob said.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I have a disease…it's very contagious… You could die any minute!" Looney said.

"Looney, I can show you just what an impact you make…"

"_Sigh…_Alright, but this better be worth my time…" Looney said.

"Grab on to my robe!" Bob said. Looney grabbed on to his robe and they disappeared

* * *

They were now in what looked like an unfinished building…

"Where are we?" Looney asked.

"You are in a world where you never existed…" Bob said.

"You mean I was never born?" Bob nodded and then said,

"Yes, the world is a far different place. Look at your friend, Sgt. Reynol!"

Sgt. Reynol walked in and he was carrying a screwdiver and a couple of other tools… and a work hat.

"He's a construction worker?"

"Well… without you being there to toss him underground… He never made the chance to riff fanfiction… This is the life he leads…" Bob motioned toward Sgt. Reynol.

"Man, I guess that is pretty tough… Gee… I'm so sorry…"

Then they noticed a light come on…

"Alright… We're ready for you…" It was Train Heartnet (Black Cat)! And he told him, "Remember your lines? You're a construction worker, secretly a secret agent…"

"Don't worry, I've done this a million times! I could do it with two hands behind my back…" Sarge said.

"Alright, this is the person you'll be working with…" Train said… and it was George Clooney?

"Alright, so we've rehearsed the lines and I'm the main villain…" George said.

"Ok…" Sarge said.

"I think we should leave now…" Bob said.

"Wait… I want to see this…" Looney replied and they both gasped at the sight that you couldn't see.

"How is he able to do that!" Bob said.

"His stunts are awesome! We should go! I think I'm going blind!" Looney said in shock.

"Yeah…" Bob and Looney disappeared and only the sounds of fighting were heard.

* * *

They were now at a bar, and Looney asked,

"So… we're at a bar?"

"Yes..." Bob replied, "And look there's one of your friends… And he's sitting in the shadows"

The figure was Dimentio713 who was slouching over his seat and had his arms covering his face.

"Dimentio713!" Looney exclaimed

"Yes, he doesn't look to happy? He must have hit on some tough and incredibly hard times… and now has decided to drink his problems away…" Bob said.

Looney then said, "Man… Poor guy…"

Dimentio713 said in sobs, "I just don't get… I just don't get it…"

"Oh Dimentio… it's not…"

Looney was then interrupted by Dimentio713 talking on the phone, "WHO SAID THEY COULD TAKE OUT RISTAR IN THE NEW SUPER SMASH BROTHERS GAME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! DON'T THEY KNOW I OWN BOTH NINTENDO AND SEGA?"

Looney then looked shocked, "HE OWNS BOTH NINTENDO AND SEGA!" Bob shrugged.

"LOOK I HAD TO DRAG MYSELF INTO A BAR BECAUSE OF THE SNOWSTORM OUTSIDE AND THIS IS THE NEWS YA GIVE ME! YOU TELL SAKURAI, AND THE STUPID FANS, THAT HE HAS TO PATIENT UNTIL I GET A CHARACTER ROSTER THAT I APPROVE OF… AND THEY BETTER LIKE IT!" He closed his phone and noticed Steve the Hollow looking out him.

"Anything else?" Steve asked.

"Nope, I'm fine! But here have an extra hundred," Dimentio713 said, giving Steve a hundred dollar bill.

"Thank you," Steve looked at the bill, "Man, you'll get me into Disneyland tomorrow…"

"My goodness! He's doing a better job without me! He owns two video game companies" Looney said.

Bob then answered, "Now, now, don't jump to conclusions..."

"Man, it's awesome owning two video game companies!" Dimentio713 said in the background.

"Okay, okay… There's two people who's doing better without you. But what about Tohokari-Steel? You know, the one that does Outta the DVD?" Bob asked.

"You're right! He seems to be largely influenced by me! Let's see him!" Looney said.

* * *

They were in a doctor's office and there were baby sounds in the background,

Looney then said to Bob, "Ha! Ha! See! He must be married to a really stupid woman and he can never complete his dream of being an internet critic!"

Steel was seen holding a baby, "All right, I have the baby!"

Princess Peach was seen along with Mario, "Look at him! He's so cute!"

"Mama mia! He's so cute!" Mario said.

"All right! Well, Peach will have to stay, and the baby too… We still have to check up on the two! So, what's the name?" Steel asked the couple.

"… Jacob… Jacob Mario…" Peach said.

"All right…" Steel then noticed Saire and the two were talking amongst themselves,

"All right, there are more cute babies to be delivered!" Saire said.

"Okay!" Steel said.

"NEXT!" Looney said.

* * *

The two were seen nearby yellow and windows. Looney then asked,

"All right, where are we? Because the last three did make me disappointed!"

"This is the residence of the one you call Lt. Strait…" Bob said.

"All right, he wouldn't be anywhere without me!" They then noticed that Strait was talking on a phone… and he was in a suit… He was in the Oval Office…

"No! No! I'm tired of joking around North Korea! You get rid of that stupid military, or I'm gonna do it for you! You see the American people didn't overthrow Obama and put me in charge so I can be a push over!"

"He's the president of the Untied States!" Looney said in shock

Some incomprehensible words, "Oh, you think it'll be manslaughter! Well, in my opinion, you do that everyday! And it will be the greatest thing in North Korea ever since I publicly executed Kim Jong-il" (I mean no offense to anybody living in North Korea… I feel sorry for all of you…)

Strait then pushed a button… then North Korea blew up… and South Korea was an island…

Now Strait laughing like a madman, and was talking on his phone… Looney and Bob in shock.

"Press Secretary? Yes, tell the good people that they no longer have to worry about another nuclear attack from any Communist state..."

There were cheers in the background…

"Yup, vote for Strait, vote for Strait!" Bob was still in shock and Looney decided to grab his hand and they teleported out of there…

* * *

The two were seen back at Looney's home.

"Well, this next one will show you…" Bob was interrupted by Looney,

"NO! THIS TRIP HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE! NOBODY'S BETTER WITH ME! THEY ARE ALL BETTER WITHOUT ME!" Looney screamed

Bob then said, "But you must see one more!"

"HECK NO! THIS IS THE MOST UNINSPIRING CRUD I HAD TO DEAL WITH! YOU REALLY, REALLY SUCK AT THIS!"

"Come on! This can't be as bad as Strait being President of the United States or Dimentio owning two video game companies!" Bob said.

"_Sigh…_ I guess you're right… It can't get any worse…" Looney said.

Boy was he wrong…

* * *

The two were seen in the studio…

"This can't be right! We're in the place where I record my show!" Looney said.

"Yeah… I was supposed to show you what Wildrook's life would be… I don't understand…" Bob said.

Wildrook was then seen sitting down on Lunatic's chair, "Hello, I'm the Insane Critic! I read it so you don't have to…"

Lunatic screamed.

"Today we'll be looking at Love of Fear, as we all know, Jonathansgirl18 can do no wrong…" Rook said.

"You take that back! That fanfic was stupid and dumb as crud!" Looney exclaimed.

"It was a clever idea with an awesome OC!" Rook explained

"That OC was a Mary Sue!" Looney said

"It's a wonderful fanfiction from beginning to end… And I enjoyed every chapter of it!"

"WHAT!" Looney shouted.

(static)

"Stop this very instant!" The Face exclaimed.

"HA! LET'S SEE HIM DEAL WITH HIM!" Looney said.

"Hey Face, what are you up to?" Rook asked.

"Oh, nothing! I just wanted to say what amazing job you're doing! You're an inspiration to the internet! And dang it, a treasure to us all!" Face said.

"Oh thank you Face! I always look forward to your video calls!" Rook said.

"Oh BTW! Are you still doing that crossover with Akira Kogami?" The Face asked.

"Scoot over!" Akira Kogami, in all her salmon haired goodness, appeared.

"HA! LET'S SEE HIM DEAL WITH HER!" Looney said.

"Man! I can't believe what a fantastic job you do!" Akira said.

"What!" Lunatic said.

"Should we get started?" Akira said.

"Let's! Also I thought that The Legend of Zelda and Peach wasn't that bad! I mean Mario becoming a girl? Hilarious! " Rook exclaimed and started laughing like a mad man

"I'll kill you! You monster!" Looney then got out his gun and started shooting Rook, the guns having no effect…

"He can't even see us Looney…" Bob said.

"Take me out of here!" Looney said.

They disappeared.

* * *

They were now at Lunatic's house, Looney went to a coffee table and said,

"****,****,****!" Lunatic said.

Bob went to Lunatic, "See Looney, you really were a rotten, insane dumbcake… your friends would have had a better life if you had never met them…"

Looney looked at Bob, "Is this supposed to be a pep talk! Cause this isn't! Pep talks are supposed to make you feel peppy! Not take a shower with frikkin' DAL 9000!"

* * *

DAL 9000 was seen "sneezing." He looked around and said, "I guess someone's talking about me… That's stupid! I am an A.I.! Not a human…"

* * *

"Was that product placement from Dimentio713?" Bob asked.

"Yeah… anyway…" Looney said, "Countinue…"

"I mean somebody misses the person! I mean somebody! Statistically, this doesn't make sense!" Bob said.

"Wait! What about you!" Looney said

Bob looked confused and Looney kept talking,

"What would my life be without you?"

"… Oh! No you don't want to see it!" Bob retorted.

"Come on!" Looney said.

"No!"

"Please!"

"All right!" Bob held his hand and they disappeared.

* * *

They were seen… in Hell? Well… yeah… Bob was seen with a pitchfork amongst other things.

"Yes, Devil? A person is being tempted… Oh! He sinned!" Bob said.

"Good job! Now continue your work! If I ever get in trouble, you're my go to person! My number one guy!" The Devil said.

"Aw! You're making me blush!" Bob said.

"I'm serious! If anything happens to me, besides being thrown into the Lake of Fire, or I happen to retire, you're next in line!"

"Aw! Thanks! Hey, send my best to the others!"

"See ya later buddy!"

"Thanks! See ya!" Otherworld Bob shut his phone and said, "I love that guy!"

Bob and Looney looked in shock, mainly Looney and they went back!

(I think I'm gonna get flamed for this…)

* * *

They were back home and Looney proceeded to beat Bob up… some the words that were heard were these:

"You trickster!"

"You monster!"

"You tricked me!"

"I bet I'm living a better life!"

…Amongst other words…

Bob was near death and Looney left him there…

Looney then went back to the review room and Dezblade was saying, "And that's why Kingdom Hearts fanfiction suck 90% of the time!"

"Hey Dez! Get out!" Looney said.

"All right…" Dez got out and Looney said, "What the… All right guys! This is Lunatic121 saying, 'Merry Christmas!'"

"Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!" Lunatic then left and Dimentia713 entered the room, "Is everything back in place?"

"And they all lived strangely ever after! So the moral of the story is this: Do not listen to fallen angels!" Santa Bond said.

* * *

**Merry Christmas! Can't wait for the New Year!**


End file.
